Oct 5, 2007 | You Can't Make This Stuff Up
A year or so ago, an anonymous reader took offense to something I said and then left a scathing review of me by stating that I “couldn’t be more self-absorbed if I was made of half water and half paper towels.” I have seriously considered putting a variation of that criticism on a T-shirt with my blog address beneath it. In part, because I find it absolutely fascinating that anyone would think the venture of blogging wasn’t an exercise in being self absorbed. (this same reader has a habit of trolling the posts involved so much, that I finally made the posts private… he’s not returned, thank goodness!) And also because it was just so witty.
However, the criticism sticks with me, despite my own assertion of “my blog, I’ll write what I want to write.” In truth, I really don’t write what I want to write all that often. Like most of us, I censor with abandon. And I encase all my narcissistic tendencies in fuzzy wrappers that seem warm and inviting… hoping most of you won’t notice that once again I’ve written a pointless post about… me. Yes, I’m foolishly trying to have my cake and eat it too.
So, part of me cringes to post anything as superficial as answers about my beauty regime. Or how it is that I “look so good while feeling so poorly.” I mean, there isn’t a fuzzy wrapper to put on this. This is me writing a post about ME… and not my deep thoughts on war or my pithy perspective on religion… No, this is a post about beauty products and haircuts and everything superficial. My only solution, besides not writing this piece is to put all this superficiality under the cut.
So, if you find yourself disgusted and appalled by my nerve (Uh, my blog!!), then… just look at the pretty picture. M’kay. (although, heaven only knows why you might be reading this blog in the first place, since I’m renown for my uh, absorbency!)
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Sep 20, 2007 | You Can't Make This Stuff Up
Alright, I’ll admit it. I’m a coffee snob. My years of living in Seattle taught me one thing: there is no point in drinking that dreck Starbucks advertises as java. Blech. (sorry, Margaret!) Seriously, it’s a why bother for me.
So, you can imagine how I feel about coffee that comes in say, an aluminum tin. Or in those big self-serve plastic bins in the coffee aisle at your local grocery store. And flavored coffees…(excuse me while I fall down on the ground in a mock-epileptic fit.) Drama queen.
But there’s a catch. Every year, about this time, Millstone puts out flavored coffees that smell so good you can’t help but stop and take a whiff. Or, I can’t. Breathing in I calm my body, breathing out I’m buying cheap crap coffee from a plastic bin in my local grocery store’s coffee aisle which is sold right next to that swill sold in aluminum tins. I just can’t resist Holiday Spice. And Peppermint Stick. Millstone should market this stuff as potpourri, because it’s not coffee… not by half.
But it’s not really consuming it, if all I do is breathe it in and get high. Right?
Sep 18, 2007 | You Can't Make This Stuff Up
So, pardon the poor photo—it was taken 4 years ago before my handy dandy Nikon made the scene. Even iphoto can’t help this, but you get the point… right? It’s chocolate. Lots of chocolate.
Chocolate is good. You with me? I’ll tell you what’s not good though: waiting. Waiting is bad. Not fun. Not enjoyable. NERVE WRACKING. And, because I’m an impatient sort, down right frustrating. Waiting makes Wende annoyed!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m well aware of my diva tendencies to want it yesterday. Whatever that “it” might be. But in this particular case, I’m thinking I’m well within my rights to be frustrated. What’s got me in a dither? I’ve been waiting 10 months for my grad school diploma to arrive. 10 long months. Every day, I check the mail with baited breath. Nothing. Oh sure, there are bills. Like, bills for my school loans that are now due. But that 8.5 x 11″ dart board diploma has yet to show up. It’s not worrisome. It’s annoying. And because I’m annoyed and narcissistic write a blog, I see lots of chocolate in your future.
Chocolate? Chocolate? Did someone say chocolate?? Yep, I did! So, this is what I’m thinking—I’m going to award chocolate, lots of chocolate to the person who comes closest to predicting the day I actually receive my diploma in my hot grubby hands. All you need to do is leave your guess in the comments to participate. Once my diploma arrives, I’ll announce a winner and send off a care-package of chocolate to the clairvoyant among us. What kind of chocolate you ask?? Well, you’ll just have to wait and see.
UPDATE:
No, I’ve not received my diploma yet (and for you skeptics in the crowd, I had contacted my school before I posted this. I’m still waiting for them to respond! They’re like this… hence the guessing game.) but I’m not nearly as hopeful as the rest of you lot! Most of you guessed really early dates and that’s so very nice of you, if misdirected! It shouldn’t surprise me that most of you are optimists… but it does make me happy for some reason. Because if I were guessing, my answer would have been “never!” Just call me “ms. glass half-empty”.
So, a big thank you to all of you who decided to play along and actually guess a date. Despite the tongue-in-cheek nature of this post, I’m kinda giddy to put together a box of chocolate for the winner. Being an inherent curmudgeon, I usually steer clear of anything that smacks of “joining”. Thus, I’m always impressed when people are willing to belly up to the bar and be social. It’s so unlike me to do this, it’s fun to realize the most of the world is actually nice and decent and not spitting in people’s coffee when they aren’t looking. (Now, hold the phone, I didn’t say I spit in people’s coffee. Much.) But I am taking notes of those who didn’t play along… and never sitting close enough for any of you to spit in my coffee.
Anyhow, I’m not going to answer individual comments on this post. Mostly, because I’m not sure how to respond to “October 7” or “September 29”. All I know is that the thought of answering stirs up this compulsion to shout back more numbers (“December 2, January 15!”) in a very odd game of numerical Marco Polo. I think we’ve established that wouldn’t be a very good idea.
I’m not closing this little contest either… feel free to add your guess if you haven’t yet. If my diploma arrives more than a month after the latest guess made, then I’ll put all your guesses in a hat and pick a winner. (contest closed!) Somebody is getting chocolate. See, my degree is good for something after all. Blessings… wen.
Sep 9, 2007 | You Can't Make This Stuff Up
Today, IZ installed instant messaging on Boy Wonder’s computer. This has revolutionized our communication. Now, at bed time, instead of hollering up the stairs and the boy ignoring me, my little reminders pop up on his computer screen. This solution is so simple I don’t know why we didn’t think of it sooner. Oh wait, we did… someone I know drug his feet on the whole deal. Anyhow, witness the ease:(I especially like how after just one afternoon of this, he’s already mastered the fine art of sarcasm through the use of emoticons.)
Me: lights out at 9 pm.
Boy Wonder: OK 🙁
Me: lol
Me: 9 pm is a perfectly fine bedtime. It could be 8:30!
Boy Wonder: OK 😮
Now, if we could just get the dog to instant message us when she wants to go outside, we’d be set.
Sep 5, 2007 | You Can't Make This Stuff Up
This, from IZ, made me laugh for 4 minutes straight!
Aug 2, 2007 | You Can't Make This Stuff Up
Ok, so I can’t embed YouTube on this site because my template is ancient and I’m in no mood to update… and honestly… I wouldn’t even if I could. Why? Because I’m not a sheep! If that’s unintelligible, well, it’s inside joke for Kathleen, who is turning fabulous plus one year today! Love you girl, happy happy birthday!
Anyhow, I will link like mad and you can’t stop me. Seriously, THIS FREAKIN SONG makes me happy. Very happy. I’ve listened to it 15 times this evening. . . make that 16 and let me check. Yep, still happy! The only down side of this whole deal is that I can’t pump my speakers any louder than they already are!
Go listen. I bet you can’t NOT dance! Everybody sing with me, “Big Girls, you are beautiful!”
