Grow A Pair

Overheard at my house:

I don’t know. It’s this stabby pain in my ovary. It’s relentless.
~Oh, I hate it when that happens.
You hate it when your ovaries hurt? You have those now?
~I have sympathetic ovaries. . . I grew a pair.

He thinks he’s so funny. Of course, me falling down in the kitchen laughing only encourages him.

Overheard: The Project Runway Edition


Boy Wonder: “Mom! You should be on Project Runway. You probably wouldn’t make it very far, but I’d be rooting for you all the way!”


Boy Wonder: “Mom! You should be a model on Project Runway. You’d score lots of cool clothes that way!”


I suspect my child is the embodiment of blind faith. Or Yogi Berra.


Boy Wonder: “So with my computer locking up it was like déjà vu from that episode of Andromeda. . .”

Me: “Wait, wait, wait. You can’t have déjà vu from a television show. Even if it is Science Fiction.”

Boy Wonder (turning back to his father): “Like I was saying. . .”


I’m seriously outnumbered here. 


Overheard at my house. . . 


Boy Wonder: “Mom, could you get Picasso ice cream?”

Me: “Picasso ice cream?”

Boy Wonder: “Yeah, you know, it has chocolate and cherries. . . ”

Me: “The one with pistachios?  I’m thinking you mean Spumoni.”

Boy Wonder: “Oh, right. Spumoni. That’s what I meant.”

He Could Give Lessons


In Step


Me: “You know, I don’t think our bedroom is all that girly.”

IZ: “Uh huh. . .”

Me: “In fact, I’d say it’s the most masculine it’s ever been.”

IZ: “Could be.”

Me: “You really are the King of Noncommittal language!”

IZ: “Perhaps.”

Me: “You think?”

IZ: . . . 


Seriously, folks, his spidey-sense is telling him this conversation is a trap.  

For The Birds

IZ: You know this colon cleansing stuff is for the birds. Oh, I know what all those woo-woo health people say, but seriously? They  can keep their clean colons. I’ll take mine dirty any day! I’m proud to say that the very first thing I polluted my colon with was McDonald’s!

Me: Is that so?

IZ: Yes! (pumping fist in the air) I’m striking a blow for dirty colons everywhere!