Photo Caption: This post is going naked. You can imagine whatever image you’d like and insert it in this spot, m’kay?
What I’ve Learned:
Despite my facebook declarations to save my melt-down for New Year’s Day, I met my end yesterday. Stood in the hallway in front of the kitchen door and just wept.
What’s worse, (yes worse than missing deadlines by months) I melted-down in front of the very nice guy who is plastering our walls. Two days after I stood in the very same spot and told this same plaster artist, “I don’t know how I feel about the plaster. I can’t think about that right now, because IZ is in the ER and they think he’s had a heart-attack.”
Yeah, it’s been that kind of a week.
Let me put you out of my misery. IZ is fine. Well, he’s not, but he’s not having a heart-attack or a stroke or anything dire. He’s just under the immense pressure of trying to finish our house and work full time and parent and hold the hand of his wife who cannot keep her “stuff” together.
For that, I’m terribly sorry.
I kept my “stuff” together in the ER. There’s that. I kept looking at this man I love, this PARTNER (because we don’t define our relationship in terms of husband and wife. We’re best friends, lovers, PARTNERS.) and I kept thinking “I don’t do so well with this role reversal stuff.” I’m usually on the gurney, he’s usually holding MY hand. And well, he’s really amazing at that. How does he keep so calm? How does he crack jokes and not look worried and not sit down in a puddle of his own snot and tears and lose it?
He will tell you he’s Danish and it’s in their natures to be stoic and solid and perfectly calm.
I will tell you he’s a rockstar.
A rockstar who is stressed out.
So, yesterday comes along (see this page, last post for details) and I faced my end. You know, the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back? That straw came in the form of an email break-up note and turned on the tear spigot.
I cried. I stood in the hallway and IZ, the rockstar that his is, both held me and cracked jokes to the poor plaster guy watching me come undone, about how his wife didn’t weep a tear in the ER, but is crying over the tiler. He’s keeping it all together, because he is IZ.
Because the love of my life is Danish. And he’s eating his stress. And he’s holding my hand. And he’s making everything OK for everyone.
And I love him for all that and so much more.
Bless you, Wende! And IZ.
This will pass, but it appears to be moving along at what I’d call a glacial pace.
There will be peace and a hearth in the home again, maybe even sort of soon.
{hugs}
Thank you!! And it’s good to see you. I hope all is well in your world! ~W
Oh sweetie, you had every right to come undone – and still do. But the good news is we are almost to the end. This is the last mile in a marathon. It is hard – but the race will be run soon enough. I love you. We’ll get there together and it will be beautiful on the other side.
And we keep getting hit. I’m trying to hold on to the idea that we’re almost there.
Well, thank goodness for great Danes. I’m so glad he’s your other half… and I’m sure he feels the same 🙂
Thanks, Kate. He’s pretty wonderful!
So happy to here that IZ is ok…so sorry the stress continues to rain down on you:(
Tricia! I hope you’re well. In all this crazy I haven’t stopped by your blog to check in. But I’ve been holding good thoughts for YOU!
I’m glad that he’s fine, but TOO much stress isn’t good either!! You are getting there and it will get done. A glass or two of wine will be called for at that time. 🙂 P.S. I had an utter melt-down when my husband got home from the hospital, just what he needed. I’d been bottling up for too long.
Oh, that doesn’t surprise me, Margaret. I can’t imagine how you held it all in at all. But if you were, then of course it came spilling out after he got home!
As for wine, I’m trading up for a very strong Manhattan! 😀
Oh Wende, I wish I was there to give you a big hug. I totally hear you. As you know, I too, was doing that role reversal thing recently and it is a weird place to be. Stress can seriously knock you off your feet. I’m so sorry that’s what you are both going through.
Jack is amazing and strong, as are you!
You both will be fine soon and you will get through all of this hand-in-hand.
Xo
Thank you, Kerri! I wish you were closer. But I’m thinking of you guys and you’re always in my prayers!! mucho love! ~W
Good gravy! I’m praying for health and speedy resolutions to this nightmare of a reno for you…
I keep thinking that the wheel of fortune is always turning and that eventually it’ll swing you up out of the mud. And that you should buy a lottery ticket as the grand scheme owes you one. Or eight.
It’s okay to lose your stuff every now and then. And, to be fair, when you can’t lose your stuff when you have every right to (like in the ER), it’s only natural that the next thing (minor or major) will cause a break. I’ve been perfectly calm during car accidents, for a day or two even, and then lost it on something far more minor than a bathroom reno gone epically awry on a Shakespearean scale. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Which is exactly what someone told me just before the last time I lost my stuff. Last Tuesday.
And IZ, please take care of yourself. Sit down and down a chamomile tea every now and then, m’kay?
Much love, you two.
Also, teaching English has apparently affected my ability to spell “buy” & “too”, and avoid over-using adjectives and adverbs.
I have NO idea what you’re talking about re: too and buy… but the adjectives and adverbs are ALWAYS welcome here. You know that!
Thanks for all the love and support. It means the world to me. ~W