On this last day of January, “The Monday of the Year*”, I’m sitting with all the potential change in my life. And I find it easily overwhelming when I start paying attention to the perpetual loop eight-tracks in my mind whispering fear.
We all get that change is difficult. It’s part of the human condition, we hang on to things. Perhaps longer than we should. Perhaps longer than I should. I stash away paraphernalia from my past, bits and pieces of potential.Â Piles of fabric in my studio that will be something, eventually.Â The first line of several novels. Th first paragraph of hundreds of posts. Projects I always mean to finish, but never really begin. Relationships that will get better, if given just one more chance. Associations out of obligation, participation out of nostalgia, connections to a former self best left in the past. The boxes of my life are filled with debris; marked “fragile” as if writing out those letters imports some meaning. I’ve not been ready to let go of any of it, even the harmful bits.Â That’s what the voices on the eight-track whisper, “You are not ready.”
Although, I know better.Â Beneath the din, in what quiet I can muster, there is a self that knows better. I am ready.
I am letting go of small things first. Clearing space, making room, determining what of the debris really is worth hanging on to forever. It’s surprising how much you just don’t need. And I’ll let you in on a little secret, letting go. . .Yeah,Â it’s not as scary as you might think. In fact, it can be downright liberating if you let go of the right things.Â The voices in our heads that peddle fear and shame need not be the loudest! They are obsolete liars that only have power if we believe them. It’s not an issue of drowning out the noise. It’s an issue of letting go. And if you can take a little advice from the girl who keeps everything, start by tossing outÂ that perpetual taped loop in your head that tells you change is “Scary”.
*January is the Monday of the Year was borrowed from the lovely Bethany! Go read! Be inspired.
I really appreciate this. Funny how some of the most negative things are the absolute most difficult to let go.
I can’t wait to see what develops!
I have been feeling the same way this month… it really is difficult to let go of things you’ve kept for the memories, that just aren’t necessary. Have any pointers?
Amazing! I have been doing the same thing and it is hard…and not so hard. You and I must be operating in parallel universes, so many times you write and you give words to my thoughts and I think, “Exactly! That’s exactly it!” It gives me courage and strength to know I’m not alone. Thank you for the gift of your writing. Just returned from a 3-week trip to CA for the holidays…my former home where I no longer belong and families that have continued without us. I want and need to get the debris cleared so I can be me now…not me before.
We get used to *stuff* and it becomes part of our environment; that makes it difficult to change and rid ourselves of what we should.
P.S. Thank YOU for leaving Ashley a supportive comment on her blog; she’s struggling right now, which I’ve told her is perfectly normal. It will get better. It’s nice to have such wonderful friends in our corner!
Yes- why is it the bad stuff that’s so hard to get rid of? Hmmm. But it does surround us- good and bad- and all the sudden we’re trapped. Time to push yourself out. Purge. Re-evaluate. Re-paint. Re-stack. Press on!