Sometimes relationships end… sometimes they change. It’s been a semester of endings of sorts for me. I have to say, they are remarkably difficult to navigate at times. Most of the time, things end because they need to. But there are those moments when it all comes crashing down on your head and you thought you were completely unprepared.
And you are unprepared. Forewarned in hindsight, perhaps, but fragile in the moment. Blinded by what you thought “was”. It’s probably obvious by now that I’m not a big fan of those endings. Not that anticipated endings are easy, but at least you see what’s coming and even have the opportunity to be creative in the moment. There is nothing creative about destruction–those endings that arrive through anxiety, neglect or aggression are nothing short of self-inflicted annihilation. You end up feeling like something died or was wiped completely from existence instead of something ending.
The thing is, it isn’t a clean sweep because your memory holds on–what it holds onto is not only what was but the brutal or silent “ending”. The image of that ending is on a perpetual loop in your memory. It resides there as the last momento of what was and sometimes the only momento. Saying Goodbye is rarely easy. But it is far more courageous to actually say the words…far more creative to be present in the moment than to disappear into thin air or a cloud of hostility.
It’s a choice. I’m grateful for the opportunity to take that chance this week… and say goodbye. It was difficult to do, but it was well said and heart-felt. My week has been flooded not by regrets of the ending, but by memories of our shared existence and by a hope for a different future.
