Posts Tagged ‘family’
IZ’s sister, who lives in the Philippines, was visiting PDX this weekend–so we made another trip into the city to see her. She’s headed home in August and won’t be back for a few years, so this was our chance to see her one last time.
And of course, we couldn’t refuse the opportunity to snuggle with our babies again. So, family party it was.
For the record, I’m not the only one smitten with a certain blond haired cherub! Barbara has her uncle IZ wrapped around her little finger. We took the opportunity of going into the city again to stop by a few Goodwills to see if I could find any more vintage slips for Mireio. And at the first one, he found this broken down kitchen toy he was convinced she needed. It was so large and missing bits, I wasn’t convinced. “I don’t know, I don’t think you can bring a toy THAT large without getting into trouble. And it’s trashed! Your sister would kill you!”
He wasn’t pleased. “That’s fine, I have 2 more Goodwills to go.”
Sure enough, he found another play kitchen at the next Goodwill. Only this one was in nearly perfect condition–including a cute little window that opens. It was twice the size of the broken down toy he left behind.
“This one? She has to have this one.”
“Ok! But, it stays in the car until you tell your sister that you just bought a HUGE kitchen set for her grandchild and that she gets to keep it at her house. This is on YOU. Auntie Wende had nothing to do with it.”
(Oh, yeah, I’ll totally abandon the ship here. He’s on his OWN!)
“Except you’re paying for it.”
“Shush. And stick with the story.”
Of course his sister couldn’t care less that IZ just hauled a toy the size of a piece of furniture into her house. I kid you not, we barely fit it into our SUV. But once we all got a glimpse of Barbara playing with her new kitchen, it was a done deal. She was over the moon. And IZ gloated all day. “SEE!”
At some point in the day, his sister asked him if he wanted another baby. If WE wanted another baby.
In truth, we’re past it. At 44, our days of sleepless nights and sippy cups are long past us. And grand babies are a LONG way down the road. Do you even know the odds of our having grandchildren before we’re 60? Ask my mathematician son, he’ll tell you they’re not good!
But it’s lovely to be able to practice. To be indulgent and buy ridiculously large kitchen sets and soccer balls and pretty clothes for babies we adore. No, they’re not our grandchildren– but our niece doesn’t seem to mind letting us pretend.
And so, we’re practicing.
A few years back, an email appeared in my in-box. I wearily looked at the sender and knew, “well, this won’t be good.” But I could not have imagined what was inside.
To say it was the most hurtful thing I’d ever read: well… that would have been true at the time. Since then, I’ve read worse — directed at me. But at that moment, it was devastating.
Reading it, my whole body shook: as if I was holding a real letter. No paper, just words on a screen and a violent physical reaction from me.
Never let anyone tell you words can’t hurt you. I’ll take sticks and stones.
And here’s the thing: I’ve written difficult letters. But never when I was angry: always trying to state the hard facts as FACTS. Not, “You’re a miserable person” — but “I can’t continue to be in this relationship.”
The end result is the same, I suppose. But I want to believe, actually I do believe that we all must speak our own truth: in love. Even if that love means letting go because it makes you safe and sane and human again.
But what arrived in my in-box that day wasn’t love. It wasn’t truth. It wasn’t even human. What it was? I’m not sure. I’ve sat with it for ages and I still can’t begin to tell you where to begin.
And it was eventually followed up (a year later) by an “apology”… that was really just more of the same. Only this time, it got worse. Somehow, all the bile that was sent my direction was now my fault, too. That and so much more.
And this is why you never say, “It can’t get any worse.” *smile*
Today was an amazing day. Day two of 60 degree weather so of course IZ and I found time to walk along the river and at some point on our walk this letter came up in conversation. IZ asked, “Are you going to publish it?”
I’ve been sorely tempted. At first to rebut it point by point. Then, because it would be therapeutic to put it to bed. Blogging has always been my way of working it out. Now, because some things should see the light of day: if only as a cautionary tale.
However, the timing has never seemed right. I’m not sure when that will be. But I have a hunch it will have something to do with finally letting go of figuring it out and letting the letter speak for itself.
My adorable Sisters-In-Love braved the gusty winds and torrential rain to visit. Bringing with them my gorgeous niece and her baby. This was the perfect way to celebrate! Iz and I got our baby fix.
Barbara Kellie, who is just 15 months walked straight into my kitchen and asked to be picked up. I was rolling out pastry dough, so I scooped her up and we gave the quiche crust a few rolls together.
Sigh, I live for these moments.
Thought for the day… or question: “Why do we judge each other?”
Especially women judging other women. I get not liking someone. I get not liking what they do, or how they do it. When that happens, we should take my 80 year old friend’s suggestion, right? And just ignore and move on. But, we often don’t. Instead, we go all judgey judgey let’s totally tear them down because they’re not. like. me. We label, call names, pick, pick, pick.
–Imagined slight: She’s a ________________ (fill in the blank)
–Didn’t live up to my expectations: She’s a ___________________.
–Dared to do something I don’t think she should: Call all my friends “OH NO SHE DIDN’T”
I don’t get it.
And yet, I do it.
I don’t get why I do it. So, I’m working on it.
But I’d love to know: why do you think women pick on other women?
New Rules: Let’s get each other’s back. And if we can’t: Let’s Zip Our Lips.