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My brother of the wedding without notice (THANKS FOR ALL THE ADVANCED NOTICE, MARK!) sent me a lovely birthday gift. And his bride-to-be tucked in 6 packages of Goo Goos. “A southern treat for your southern taste-buds,” she inscribed the card.

ME: OOOH, Goo, Goos!

IZ: What are they?

ME: Only the best thing on the planet. Clearly, Marie is making sure I’ll be the fattest girl at her wedding.

It’s true too. They are the best things on the planet. Better than mochas, better than sex, better than rock and roll. Better than these shoes. They’re even better than Girl Scout Cookies*. Chocolate and caramel and pecans and marshmallow. There’s no real argument here.

But there is a small problem with the Goo Goo. They are three bites, four if you’re not a pig (oink!). And those three bites contain 250 calories and a bazillion grams of fat. Chocolate and caramel and pecans and marshmallow and cellulite and guilt and remorse and shame.

IZ: Are you going to eat them?

ME: Hell yeah. Just not in one sitting. In fact, I think I’m going to use them as incentives. I’ll call it Operation Goo Goo. I’ll just eat one as a reward for getting in all 7 workouts in a week. Miss a work-out, no Goo Goo. At that rate, I’ve got six weeks of motivation right here!**

Today is day 4. I have 3 more workouts to go before I can tear into my first Goo Goo and consume it in three bites. (Oink)

*Note to self: Do not let those little sprites in green talk you into buying their boxes of cardiac arrest. No, no, no, no. If you’re feeling guilty, hand them a 10 spot and pass on the sugar and fat. Hydrogenated anything is not your friend.

**Uh, that puts me at April. Note to Mark and Marie: Send more incentives.