So, Halloween is nearly a week past and my porch is still lit up like the great pumpkin. Speaking of pumpkins, I intend to dispatch ours tomorrow along with all the ghoulish decorations. It’s time for our porch to take on a more Autumnal flare while it is still Fall. After all, today is the 5th of November which leaves us very little time before we go Griswald on our neighbors.
But before I plunge into all things gratitude and l-tryptophan I have a few observations to make regarding trick-or-treaters.
Some of you seem to suffer under the delusion that you have NO control when it comes to handing out candy. That, the masses of small children and obvious adults with glandular problems pounding down your door are entitled to harass you. They are not, entitled. They may disagree, but don’t be cowed by tricksters in cheap costumes. “But, but, if I make them angry, they will egg me!” Then, don’t make them angry. Instead, take command of the situation.
I would love it if every child who came to my door was polite and civil. Truth is, only half of them fit that description. The other half are grabby and rude and ridiculously over-aged for the event. So, through the years I’ve honed the whole, “Oh, aren’t you cute!” routine that comes with handing out candy.
First. Never, never let them choose. It’s not their candy. They don’t get to say which one they get or how many. Seriously. These are not YOUR children you don’t have to be democratic in this moment. No, they are guests at your door begging for sugar. And they are darn lucky to get it. So, clutch the bowl against your chest with one hand and with the other hand out the sugar. Do not deviate, not even for cute little princesses in pink.
And here’s the thing with not letting them choose–in most cases, this relieves a great deal of anxiety. My kid has a hard time choosing. And being faced with three options but only being allowed to pick one puts him in a panic. When he was younger he would try to negotiate. Not just because he wanted more candy–because if he’d been offered a piece from just one kind he would have taken it and moved on–but because indecision coupled with greed is almost impossible for small children to navigate. At 10, he won’t negotiate for more, he knows better. But he can stand there, holding up the line while weighing his options. When you consider that half the kids coming to your door are in this indecisive group, you’re doing everybody a favor by taking away the choice and simply choosing for them.
Second. Reward good behavior and creativity. That kid who gets in character, gets more candy. The kid who clearly has a mastery of the word “please” also gets more candy. Why? Because you aren’t the only house on the block that must face these children, and the more reinforcement they get for being polite or using their imaginations the more likely they will continue to do so. But candy is not enough; make sure you reward them with words. Not only will you be reinforcing great behavior, you’ll be providing their parents with future object lesson fodder. Every time a stranger comments on my child’s good behavior, I’m quick make note of it. I tell him how cool it is that he’s using his manners and how proud of him I am. He beams! It means so much to him for people to notice he’s trying. Giving out candy is terrific, but your words will last so much longer.
I can hear the “yes, but” from here. What about the kids who aren’t polite. They’re the ones we have issues with in the first place. Again, handing out the candy and not letting them choose stifles most of the kid aggression. If I find myself surrounded by lots of grabby kids, I just hold the bowl of candy above my head and wait. It’s amazing how still kids will get when the object of their affection is within site, but just out of bounds. Mentally, I’m willing them to “sit!”
And as for those over-aged trick-or-treaters, I deal with it the same way every year. Small children get hand-outs. Older kids have to work for it: I call it, “Let’s sing for your candy.” It works like this.
Ding dong. (that’s my doorbell)
“Trick-or-Treat!” a bevy of obviously 15 year old girls chime.
“Happy Halloween! Wow… you all MUST be over 11!” I say with the sweetest smile. OR I ask, “You’re not 11, are you??”
At this point they know the gig is up and are on the spot. When they confess to their ages and get sheepish I say, “Well, see, here’s the deal. If you’re over the age of 11, you have to sing for your candy. However, if you do, I promise to reward you!” Your tone and presence here is everything. If you issue this as a demand and are creep about it, be prepared to be egged. But, if you can keep your tone light and funny and sorta apologetic, it’s surprising how willing most kids are to accept the premise.
“But, what should we sing??” At this point I will say, I’ve never had a group of kids NOT ask this question. But their tone is usually “oh, dear” not “OH BROTHER.” And watching them set to work figuring out what to sing is half the fun. One year, I got three boys doing The Backstreet Boys… another year a group of girls dressed as the Spice Girls didn’t skip a beat and belted out the first verse and chorus of “Wannabe”.
Once they decide on what to sing… and do, this is the important part: LOAD THEM UP WITH SUGAR. This little gambit will backfire if you don’t reward them. However, if you do, the glee is unmistakable. Not only have they just scored the motherload of sugar, they have had a good time doing it! Typically, I can hear them all the way down the street laughing and carrying on about how much fun that was. And usually, I have at least one group promise to come back the next year prepared to wow me!
As for the adults who are brazen enough to trick-or-treat: they get stickers.
With that, I will put an endcap on Halloween. Until next year, merry-makers.
I love it. However all the kids at my door were polite. Yay! I’m sure being a teacher at their school (or former school) helps a lot! As for the teenagers, I closed up when it was just them — they weren’t in costume but they were funny. When asked what they were for Halloween, they answered “An Angry Mob” but they thanked me and weren’t greedy.
Funny, it never occurred to me to let the kids pick their candy. Their choice, I don’t think so! My candy — my choice! 🙂
Simpatico! -llm.
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Exactly! I do think it’s our choice. And I know that my kid appreciates not being compelled to make the choice… it’s hard to stay in character when you’re deciding between Skittles and Nerds! 😀 ~W
Gee, I wish I could come trick-or-treating at your house! Unfortunately for me and mine, it really isn’t a celebrated custom here. Para still got the kidders all dressed up and went out with them, but I think he was disappointed that hardly anyone had candy for them, and alot of them were just plain rude about it (slammed doors with ‘This ‘aint AMERICA’ comments.) Don’t get me started about how inappropriate this is to do to children who made a real effort. We had our porch all done up with floating frankensteins and moaning candy bowls… and only got two trick or treaters, who I’m pretty sure only came after seeing the decorations. *sigh* When we can, we’re bringing the kids over to experience a USA halloween!
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OH, Carly! That makes me so sad. Your poor kids… and Para! I don’t know, I just don’t think being rude to small kids is a good idea… I hope they do get a taste of a real Halloween someday. ~W
Great post 🙂 I think you have a great article here. Send it the papers!
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Oh gee… ok, so now I’m blushing. You’re very sweet! 😀 ~W
Amen, Sista, Amen.
Adults get stickers…I’m still laughing about that.
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I’m sorry… but NO! I was shocked when people handed me candy when I was downtown with the boy. Yes, I had on cat ears and face, but I didn’t expect anything for it… I’m an adult. If I want candy I’ll steal it from my own kid. 😀 ~W
Wende, that was great! It made me appreciate all the treaters that come to my door. They usually mind their manners quite well. I wonder if I could make the over-11-ers sing for the treats . . .
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Oh you can make them sing… it’s all in the delivery. In all my years I’ve only had one kid refuse. He was with a group of boys and he said, “No thanks!” and walked down the drive to stand with the two dads chaperoning. I gave him one piece of candy before he left, but the other boys sang so when they were done, I loaded them up with sugar. I could hear their dad’s laughing and the boys who sang were so excited!. One dad said to the kid, “I guess you’re gonna sing next year, huh?” Heh. 😀 ~W
This year I heard one dad out with his kids say, “For every time you don’t say thank you at a house, you have to pay a candy tax!” Now I’m not sure, but I think that dad was probably flying a sugar high by the end of the night!
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PERFECT! Kids just forget themselves. My kid did. He was always polite through the whole thing, and then he’d forget to say “Thank you, Happy Halloween.” We demanded both. So, he’d meet us down on the street and we’d say, “Uh…” and he’d run back in a rush and say, “I forgot… Thank you, Happy Halloween.” Heh… eventually, he learned. It’s not easy in a costume and with all the sugar and all the excitement to remember your manners, so having parents remind you is a very good thing. ~W
lol. we don’t get any trick or treaters but the story reminds me of how me and my friends (at about 12-15 years old) did a “two act” trick or treat as Robin Hood and his Merry Men followed by Prince John and the Sheriff of Nottingham.. All with English accents and a poem and a dramatic departure as the Sheriff and his cronies arrived at the door. Best Halloween ever.
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See, at my house, that sort of delivery gets extra candy and special surprises! And that story does not shock me one bit. 😀 ~W
Oh My goodness! I love that idea to make the older kids sing. Plus, it would be great entertainment for the little kids. 🙂 We did get a lot of Trick or Treaters this year, but we didn’t get rid of all the candy. So, it sits on my counter…..yelling for me to eat it. Too bad, I bought stuff I don’t really like. 🙂 Most of the kids who came here said Trick or Treat and Thank you, that made me happy!
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Good idea to buy candy you don’t like. 😀 ~W
I had to ask some kids towards the end of the evening (some people might think I am rude but I was tired of rude kids some of which weren’t even dressed up!) after they took the candy and started to walk away I would sometimes ask “what do you say?” or “you’re welcome.” I almost felt bad but good grief my 19 month old said his version of thank you at almost every house! If he can do it these preteens certainly can.
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It’s hard for some kids, I get it. But I do think it’s your prerogative to set a standard that reflects your own choices. We have always told our child that if he is offered candy to take “JUST ONE.” And of course, there are those rare occasions where someone would say to him, “No, he can take more.” That’s their choice… and we honor it. If people can say “take lots” they should be able to say, “take one.” And kids should be able to say “Thank you…” or at least, “Happy Halloween.” And kids without costumes, I DON’T THINK SO. ~W
Interesting…I hadn’t thought about how stressful picking just one piece of candy could be for a kid. I’ll have to keep that in mind for next year. You’ve obviously thought this through way more than I have 🙂
The tiny number of kids that came to our house this year were, for the most part, perfectly polite though.
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Oh, it’s great to hear of perfectly polite kids! Yipee! I hope you told them how great they are! 😀 ~W
Wonderful ideas! I usually walk up with Rozzie (who is as tall as I am at the age of 10) and so many people want to hand candy out to me as well…I never take it though, save it for the kids (I usually grab Rozzie’s when she’s not looking…she doesn’t eat candy anyway…doesn’t like it…but LOVES to trick or treat!)
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A friend of ours child gives all her candy to charity. I’m not sure what the organization is, but she goes out and trick-or-treats and then hands it all over. 😀 ~W
I would pay to watch that… too funny!
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Heh, the show is free. Just hang out at my house next year. 😀 ~W
Geeze, you are the best! My girls are really polite too, so it’s hard for me to deal with the ruder kids. I like your idea of handing out the candy; with my luck, I’d give a Butterfinger to a kid with a peanut allergy and he’d die on my porch. Then I’d get sued and have to come live with you. HA HA
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Well, I hate to break it to you, but most chocolate is consider a problem for kid’s with peanut allergies as, even if it doesn’t contain peanuts, the candy was probably processed in a factory that handles them. On the bright side, kids with peanut allergies (or at least the ones I’ve known) are trained from a very young age not to pop stuff in their mouths without warning… so I’m guessing you’d be safe! 😀 ~W
I don’t know if it’s that I was an elementary school teacher who had to lean heavily on rewards and consequences that made me love this post, or the fact that I can’t stand disorder, and love it when others have such clearly delineated ways of doing things, but whatever it is, I wish I had read your words of wisdom before Halloween. Never again will a teenager get candy out of me with out a little song. Brilliant!
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Yippee… a convert. 😀 ~W
HOW DID I MISS THIS POST LAST YEAR??? You are a genius. I will have to wait an entire year before I can put your plan into action.
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I don’t think anyone really reads this blog. Do they? 😀 ~W