Hi! My name is Wende and sometimes I melt down. Ok, scratch that. I melt down a lot.Â
This week I had several melt downs. And it’s only Wednesday. I thought you might like to read a list of my melt downs. You’ll either commiserate, because you too are a melter-downer. OR. You can go around feeling superior because you never melt down. Either way, I get bonus points for being helpful.
So, let’s review my melt downs. Shall we? Yes, yes we shall. You’re on my blog you do as I say:
- Wende melted down in Safeway this week because of a pregnancy scare.
Ok, I’m going to let that sink in. And then I’m going to tell you that it wasn’t really a scare as much as a case of bad math. I get stressed out and I forget how to count the days in a week and kinda add stuff. When I am stressed there are extra days in the week and that makes me LATE. Really, really late.
- Wende melted down this week because she was late and had to meet a new doctor.
I don’t know why I got all worked up about that. But I did. It turned out better than ok and now I feel a little foolish that I let it get to me. Not as foolish as I feel for not being able to count. And I was so stressed out about meeting a new doctor that I blew through a case of Diet Coke with Lime and convinced IZ that I could use another case. So we went to Safeway which led to my next melt down.
- Wende melted down because she’s kinda over caffeinated. And then thought she was having heart issues until she remembered exactly how many Diet Cokes with Lime she’d had.
And then I felt foolish. Not as foolish as I felt for not being able to count or getting worked up about meeting a perfectly nice human being. But pretty darn foolish for googling “heart attack symptoms in women who might be pregnant.”
In my defense, I was late but not nearly as late at my bad math suggested. And really, the late night runs for pizza and diet Coke should have been a tip off that all was normal.
But, you know and I know that cravings are a symptom of pregnancy and vasectomies do fail. Probably not 10 year old vasectomies, but I was delusional because I was late. So I bought Diet Coke with Lime. And I drank too much of it and forgot how to count and suggested too loudly in the dairy aisle of Safeway,
“You don’t think I could be pregnant do you? I mean, your little swimmers didn’t get ambitions and break free or anything?”
And that’s when IZ melted down. In Safeway. Buying me more Diet Coke with Lime. Because even he thought the late night pizza run was suspicious. I don’t even like Pizza.