Quickly and before I launch into my real topic for this post, I want to say, “Thank you” for all the support. There is no doubt that I’m working through some “stuff”. Typically, as an internal processor, this means I’ll sort through the individual strands, get it all organized, and move forward. The process of writing about it always feels too messy in the midst of it, and old news once past. But, I reserve the right to expose you to my messy process in the future. Should I find that the case, you can bet on a password protected post. Not because my truth shouldn’t be said. But because if last year taught me anything, it is that the entire world isn’t entitled to navel gaze with me. And frankly, neither is my past.

So, as I was saying, the themes of November speak to me. Gratitude, abundance, and reciprocity. The juxtaposition of a stark landscape and limited light with the heart-bursting sensation of gratitude and abundance–it’s this contrast that convinces me the Universe is not stagnant, but moving, breathing. It is from this place of gratitude, I hope to tell you just what I’m learning.

In the midst of all my personal turmoil (code for drama, just sayin’) I’ve been contemplating the subtlety of light. How even with the limited hours of sunlight in a day, even enrobed in endless clouds, even in the midst of latte foam fog–even then, light reaches out and touches me. Reaches out and makes my heart sing. In the midst of lack, I’m appreciating what little light I can find.

And that has me thinking about how the lack of something we crave or need or desire, makes us all the more appreciative of that contact when we get it. Even if it arrives from a completely unexpected place.

It’s not a secret that I come from a Southern family. But the stereo-type of a large, tight, unusually close family couldn’t be further from the truth of my life. And it’s a stereotype, it is figment, a phantom, a broken promise I am no longer claiming.  After nearly 40 years on this planet I have woken up and realized that it’s dream I don’t want to pursue any longer. There is FREEDOM in this statement, that I cannot begin to express. I just know that I’m tired of chasing what cannot be and I don’t wish to build a monument to something so unreal.  At least, not with components of my past. Instead, I’m am looking to the future, dimly lit that it is, and rejoicing that this bit light has finally dawned for me.

But the Universe, the Universe is gracious. And I hope that in the next few days I can express to you just how gracious. In this lack of light, I am holding onto the shining, glimmering bits. Those small gifts have soothed my broken heart and my only response to such grace is to express my gratitude. I hope you’ll come along with me, even if it is a bit messy.