It’s Saturday and I should be doing something instead of sitting here cruising Etsy. But I’ve got words all jumbled up in my head. Knots and knots of words refusing to come unloose, no matter how I pick and pry at the individual threads. I’m not trying all that hard to unravel this mess, either. There just isn’t any meaning to be made tonight.
It’s a diversion tactic; as a way of distracting myself, I mindlessly flip through pages upon pages of vintage items. We’ll just ignore the fact that I’ve been neglecting my own store front. Yeah, add that to my word problem. “Things to do! Things to do!” blares through some mental megaphone in my head. I not only own property in Denial, I’m the town’s mayor—click, click, click.
Problems can be self-sufficient. And persistent. And mind-numbingly tedious. They also tend to solve themselves when you step away. Or, at least when you find some perspective. But perspective can take time and distance; commodities in short supply at present. What perspective is to be had on the reality that my etsy store is deplete of merchandise and I’m ambivalent about that, is beyond me. The word problem is more complex.
I don’t enjoy writing posts like the one I posted to Anonymous. As a rule, I ignore that garbage; it’s in the town’s charter. As mayor of Denial, I have a civic duty to uphold. However, sometimes you have no choice but to look the bully in the face and say, “Boo!” And now that I have, I’m not all that energized to untangle the words that are jumbled up in my head tonight. I fear, if I start writing on words like “Responsibility” and “Forgiveness” and “Grace” that I will be preaching to the choir. I fear the words that have held my anger and frustration will come pouring out, that I will not be able to stem the tide. I fear I won’t want to stem the tide. I fear I will write a book in the process. I already use far too many words.
I’m pretty sure if I start, I won’t get past the word “Responsibility” to tell you that grace is not cheap. Or that there is no point seeking “Forgiveness” in private for transgressions committed in public. I know I won’t make it to “Grace”.
So, here I sit tonight. Click, click, clicking through countless pages of vintage. Avoiding making meaning. Using more words than necessary to tell you, well, nothing. And pitching my competition to boot. There’s a reason I was elected Mayor.
And you know, I don’t even like salt.
Love, love, love those birdy salt and pepper shakers. They are too adorable. Thank you for the nothing. I needed that! 🙂
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You’re most welcome!! And Welcome home. I’ve missed seeing you around these parts. It’s good to know you’re home, safe and sound. ~W
I would get very distracted by those adorable salt and pepper shakers. We all avoid unpleasantness in our own ways. I bury myself in a book–the house could be falling down around my ears, but I’m in la la land, so who cares? I think it’s a fine line between ignoring problems and being stepped all over. I don’t want you (or me) to tolerate the latter. So, sometimes we just have to address the issue.
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You’re right, of course. I hate it, though. Margaret, it’s like being in a zone when you’re running—everything is going beautifully, you feel like you can go on forever at this pace. And then, you’re jolted out of your rhythm by something so tasteless and ugly you are compelled to stop. How do you get back in the rhythm again? ~W
Was it Snoopy that said, “There is no problem so big it cannot be run from” ?
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The bigger the problem the faster you need to run. Hee. That Snoopy was wise. ~W
Oh…sometimes, I’m Cleopatra…queen of denial (ha ha…that was my lame attempt at humor, sometimes it’s all I have to fall back on) I love how you expressed your knots of thought…the words that are all jumbled. I have been feeling that way for so long now, but am terrified to write about it on my main blog. I am also living enough as Cleopatra to keep those thoughts at bay, while the people around me shake their heads wondering why I have taken this to heart and beg me to reconsider keeping my mouth shut, they are as confused as I am. Thank you for starting to unravel that which is within you, for standing up for yourself, and for sharing…oh sure, there’s a lot of grace there, but I see a lot of beauty in the courage too. Click away Wende, things will smooth out in time.
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I’m trying to sort out how I should feel about these recent developments. Does saying “My Bad” in a private email really cover defamation and character assassination online? I mean… should that make it all OK?? ~W
*snort (which I really did)* MAYOR OF DENIAL. That’s awesome. Ok ok. You be Mayor of Denial. I’ll be Mayor of your sister city… Guilt. Hmmm. I seem to hold office in both cities, though. Must look into that.
And, Sadira, beautiful. I agree, Wende. unravel and click. We’ll wait 🙂
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I’m worried to unravel. You know? There are times when I wonder how frank I can really be on this site. Will you all love me still if you find out I’m not in a forgiving frame of mind?? ~W